So you still haven’t bought any presents, and you need to come up with some last minute gift ideas. If you just want a list, then skip to the end, but for the patented New Age Gift Visualization Technique™, simply follow these instructions:

1. In order to get in the proper gift buying mood, its important to start with a meditation session, so that you can remember as much as you can about the people who you are buying gifts for. Relax, let the stress of last minute shopping leave your body. Meditation is absolutely necessary for the New Age Gift Visualization Technique™ to work.

2. Once you have allowed your mind to become completely clear, simply imagine a window that looks directly into the person’s living room. What is the person doing? Are they laying around watching DVD’s? Are they smiling in admiration at that framed portrait of your family dressed in sailor suits, which you gave to them last Christmas? Are they reliving their childhood with 8-bit video games? This step is essentially brainstorming, so it’s not necessary to go too deep.

3. Next, add the first random gift from your mind into the room with your friend. What is your friend’s imaginary reaction? If their reaction is positive, you are probably on the right track. If they have a negative reaction, try adding several other things into the mental picture, so that you can watch your friend’s reaction to each imaginary gift. It’s probably good to try several gifts anyway, just in case the friend has an even better reaction to a later gift.

4. Slowly bring yourself out of the meditation, making sure not to shock your senses with loud noises, sudden movements, or bursts of cold water. Next, write down your thoughts about gifts, and any new revelations about your friend, god(s) or the universe. This is the final step, so either repeat the process for another person, or go do something else.

If the New Age Gift Visualization Technique™ is not your box of salted tomatoes, here is a list of generic last minute gift ideas, which will help you satisfy your instinctual urge to become acceptable through the eyes of society by purchasing gifts for people:

Men’s sweat pants
Novelty slippers
Decorative ninjutsu training weapons
Box-wine or box-wine coolers
Used couch or papasan
Assorted colors of construction paper
Underwear that has a sexy phrase written across the butt
Mild Tabasco sauce
VHS recordings of children’s television from the 80’s
Two-Day passes to the New Age Gift Visualization Technique™ training seminar
Sausage
The gift of a child’s laughter

Photo Provided By: George Eastman House Collection

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